Sounds of the Herat Attack from Paraguay

It is a little after midnight and my phone rings waking me up and I think, "He does know it is midnight, right?"
I pick up the phone and I can hear a lot of noise and my husband say to me, "I'm alright.  I need you to say it back to me, I'm all right."
"You are alright."
Then it hits me...something is not right.  Suddenly the noise in the background becomes all that I can hear.  I hear people yelling, I hear panic. Then I hear my husband again... "We have been attacked, but I'm alright."
I immediately pick up my cell phone and start looking for news.  I hear him say words like, "air support," "bomb," "communications down," and "troops," but all I can see are images of Bengazi in my head.  And then like a bolt of lightening the fear of losing the most amazing man I have ever known, my life, shoots through my body.  Tears begin to flow, and my own panic sets in, because I know that he is not the guy hunkered down in the safe room, behind the blast proof walls.  He is the guy making sure everyone gets to those rooms, he is the guy helping with the guard force to make sure the embassy is not over run, he is the guy with the gun.
Our conversation lasted less than 4 minutes, just long enough for me to know that the shooting had stopped, the marines had arrived and he was alive.

After the attack on September 13th

Before

The next three hours I sat in front of my computer waiting for news sites to catch up on the news.  I talked to my loving Mother who wished more than anything that she could be here to hold my hand (and I wished for the very same thing.) I read anything and everything I could about the bombing.  Around 4 I finally went back to bed, but not before sending an email just to make sure that he was... still here.


The last 40 hours have been some of the hardest of my life.  I have cried more than not; not only because I'm so worried about my husband, but because the reality of how dangerous his job is over there sunk in.

Telling my children  and watching them go though the emotional roller coaster that I had been going through was heart breaking.  I simply cannot imagine being 9 years old and trying to process that information.  I remembered watching as my amazing brother-in-law who at 9 years old learned that his father was going to die, and I feel so much gratitude in my heart that I did not have to have that conversation with my son.

We are still continually praying for his safety and the safety for all of those in that part of the world.  I am especially grateful for the military who were sent to guard the consulate while my husband works, who risk their lives to protect the lives of others.  And I am grateful to the spouses and children of those military members for their sacrifice.  I know that sacrifice; and I know it is often overlooked.

I ask that you please pray for the families of those who lost someone that day.  I know they were not American but none-the-less they died in the service of our country.  I will be forever grateful to those men who did their job with such honor and integrity.

And we continue to pray for the safe return of all of those serving to protect our great nation, no matter which corner of the earth they are doing it in.

How a Small Embassy is Like High School

So my last few weeks at post have been very trying.  We were forced to move the same day we returned from R&R.  I guess forced might be a bit of an exaggeration.  They emailed me while I was on R&R and suggested that they move all of my stuff into the new house while I was gone.  I said that was NOT a good idea mostly because of my cat (who I put on valium when we fly for fear she will have a heart attack and die), but also because if something got lost or broken I would be totally unable to prove that the movers broke or took it because my maid has had access to my house the whole time I was gone; and really lets be honest who wants other people going through their personal stuff?  Would anyone else be alright with this?  Coming back from a 5 week R&R to a house full of boxes not knowing where anything was.  Hoping someone could put together the complicated computer system your husband had designed?  Not to mention, I have no hubby to help me through it all, we were starting the FIRST day of school the day we got back.  I just felt it was a bad idea. 

So I agreed to move THE VERY DAY I arrived back in country so that the government could have me out of my house by the end of the month.  I felt this was really nice of me because I am a planner.  I generally "pre-pack" before the movers arrive so that all of the contents of my drawers are not just thrown in boxes but are nicely bagged and easy to find.  I unhook all electronics and secure them to the electronic which they belong, and I move things around so that when we arrive to the new place vital things are found easily and knick-knacks will have a home when the last boxes are unpacked. 
Of course there was not time for any of that, so drawers were emptied into boxes, I still (3 weeks later) cannot find the cord to the Wii or movie player for the kids, and my computers are ... well functioning ... although not networked.

And through all of this it was the last 3 weeks of summer semester for me.  So I have completed 3 papers, and two finals in this week.  Completed paperwork for my kids, set up tutors, working on a preschool (required) project for children's day, arranged to have internet in my new house, and a mess of other things in the last few weeks. 

One thing I have realized in this horrible mess (other than I made a mistake moving and should have just stayed in a house with a leaky roof) is that some embassies feel like a high school, or at least this one does at times.  I'm sure this is true with any small community.  I have experienced similar experiences at church and in small towns, at work and even within a large family, but none-the-less it is true. 

First, you have the popular kids, of which I am not one, for many reasons, but mostly because I'm not as involved as I should be, and many of those people are just fake anyway.   There is the back stabbing witch that if you make her mad she will make you pay, even if that means making your kids pay.  There is the gossipy girl and/or the girl that will listen to all of your problems, that you get to comfortable with and it ends up biting you in the butt.  There is the jock, that smiles at everyone, is constantly making jokes and seems like he really wants to be your friend; but when push comes to shove, he won't lift one finger for you unless it is in his job description. Of course there is the jocks wife girlfriend, the cheerleader, that is really just too good for you.  Then there is the geeky debate boy.  This is the kid that did cross-x or Lincoln Douglas at debate tournaments (yes, I realize this makes you think that I was probably one of those kids too, but you would be wrong, I didn't Cross-x or LD in high school---but I was on the debate team.  But if you know me you know I will go toe to toe with almost anyone.)  He doesn't really think for himself, his sole purpose is to be "right according to the evidence" and be a complete asshole while doing it. Then there are the worker bees.  The people that keep their head down, don't get involved in the politics unless they have to and just do their job, and sometimes the job of others to help keep the embassy  high school functioning.  There are those people that will go out of their way to make sure everyone is taken care of even at their own expense.  And their are those people who are users; they are your "best friend" when they need your homework answers or a ride.

I guess I knew the whole high school dilemma before moving here.  In fact being a part of a small community was one thing I really wanted.  I still choose it.  I could have gone home and found a different "high school group" to be a part of, but I decided to stay and enjoy the family I have here.  I know it is not perfect and I will steer clear of some of these people, but I hope to also learn from my mistakes, sidestep the landmines, embrace the good, be a little more outgoing and keep moving on... once my house is unpacked. 

Did I mention my next semester starts on Thursday?

How I will [NOT] Survive our UT

So back in May, my sweet "has been through it all" friend Jen posted a suggestion list of how to get through an unaccompanied tour.  You can find her May blog here.  However for convenience I'll list the suggestions:



1.  No regrets

2. Don't pull the Kabul card too often.

3. Don't read all the UT advice.

4. Don't do it all



1.  Relax

2.  Keep your eyes on the prize.

3.  Let your kids do more.

4.  Say No



In the last 48 hours I'm pretty sure I'm broken most of these rules. 



Since moving houses I have regretted staying at post every single day.  I do hope this will change but the less stress life I was supposed to return to has yet to arrive.  (That is not to say the stress level in the states would not be just as much or more so.) 



I pulled the Kabul card just today trying to get GSO to take care of me, and yet it did not do me any good.  I know that I don't get (nor do I want) special treatment because the hubby is in Kabul, but dammit I would like someone in GSO to recognize I'm doing this on my own and to cut me a little slack. 


Don't read UT advice, well I'm posting this so...


Maybe part of my problem is that I am breaking rule #4.  I have been trying to do it all on my own.  It finally took my hubby calling my sweet, sweet friend Vicki and asking for help before I realized I might have a complete meltdown before my hubby even reaches the one month mark.


Relax.  Well, that is not going to happen anytime soon.  New house, school, "repairing" old house with leaky roof, 3 kids, etc.  I can't even list it all without hyperventilating.


"The Prize" the bid list came out this week.  There are a few great spots on there, don't get me wrong, but there are not nearly enough for everyone in PSP to get what they want.  So at this point I'm praying and praying this will not be a totally wasted year.


I would love to let my kids do more.  But we have to wait until we are not living out of boxes any more.  If I ask them to put a single box away I will be looking for what is in that box the rest of the year.  PATIENCE!


And SAY NO!  This is the one thing I have been trying to do, and yet some people will not take no for an answer.

Other rules I have broken today, don't watch the news on Afghanistan, and don't count down.  Yes there are 342 days until this UT is over.  I hate to wish it away because I hope there are going to be so many good things about it.  But today, I would wish it away if I could.

So as we can all see I will probably NOT survive the UT.  I'm going to curl up tonight, right after I help the 4th grader finish homework, write a paper for my class due tomorrow, clean up dinner, and change the fuse in my car, and watch an episode of FRIENDS and go to sleep.  Maybe things will look better when I wake up...if I sleep until Friday. 

 

The Top 10 Things I learned on my latest trip to Utah

10.  7800 South now exits on the right hand side of the road when going Northbound on Bangerter Highway.

9.  Trying to get in 12 "must do" restaurants in 5 weeks is too many.  Next time we will try for 8.

8.  Trying to work on my masters program 7,000 miles away from the comfort of my PC is harder than I thought it would be.

7.  Isaac has this saying good-bye thing down better than his mom. 

6.  It does not matter how much time you spend at "home" it never seems like enough.

5. I have great friends in Utah.  (I just wish they would come visit me.)

4.  Vacationing with just me and my big kids is FUN!!!

3. Las Vegas Airport sucks in so many ways.

2.  A person's history is your best indicator of their future actions.  If you are expecting a different result, Shame on you! 

1. Family is paramount, even when they are hard to deal with.

Day One of our Unaccompanied Tour

Well, July 9th came much faster than any of us was ready for.  Our two weeks together was full of doctors appointments, birthday parties and family reunions.  Not to mention those last minute trips to the store to get those last minute needs.  Of course if I had had my way I would have spent every minute relaxing on a beach somewhere with the hubby and kids.  But that is never what our last few days before he leaves are like. 

The morning he left he made sure to give the kids their school year blessing, and when it was my turn and the tear started running down my face, Eli crawled up on my lap and said, "What wrong?" while prying my eyes open so I could seen him.  That little one is going to be the light that keeps us all laughing. 

Emma, Eli and I took the hubby to the airport.  We were running a tad late and the security line was forever long so what is usually a 30 minute hug at the airport turned into a total parking time of 17 minutes.  Isaac decided that he could not bear to send his daddy off at the airport one more time so he said his good byes at home.  It was hard for me to leave him behind with my mom, knowing that he was going to go through that good bye pain alone, but I had to respect that he was figuring out how to deal with the stress for himself. 


The airport brought many tears and dreams about Christmas.

Saying good-bye is hard, but it was even harder to watch my children say good-bye to their dad, and watching my husband say good-bye to his kids.  None of this is fair, but we will make the best of it and try to make some memories along the way. 

And so it begins....

Well, our life significantly changed a little over a week ago when we dropped my husband off at the airport.  We have done this before, many times but this time was different; and we all knew it.  We will be seeing him in a few weeks when the kids are out of school while we take some time in the states.  However, when he packed up and left our house he was NEVER going to live in Paraguay again.  It was/is a really weird thought.  And to top it off we have been having some major problems with our house so we have been assigned to another house.

I'm not super excited about the move (because if you know me you know exactly how much I HATE moving!), but even more than that it will be strange to live in a place my husband has never lived.

Life continues like it was before.... well almost.  Now we have breakfast for dinner at least once a week, and left overs at least two other nights.  Now we eat dinner at 5:30 instead of 7:15 and try to find time to Skype whenever possible so daddy doesn't miss one moment of the kids growing.

I am planning trips and vacations and trying to encourage the kids to focus on the here and now instead of counting down the 410 days until this year is over.

I'm avoiding news about Afghanistan and comforting my kids when they come home and tell me that a friend said that, "daddy is serving in a war zone."

I mutter to myself when I'm cleaning up puke or up with a sick kid in the middle of the night (Yes, I'm aware it has only been a week.  They had to wait until he as gone to get sick.  We have a very clear division of labor in our marriage, and cleaning up puke falls to his side of it; always has.)

Anyway, enough of the complaining, we are strong.  My kids are rock stars! I'm grateful I have them and I know that in years to come we will look back on this year as a year that made our family even stronger (or crazier).    Unless of course our next post sucks, then I will feel like this year was all for naught and curse the Department of State.

We all know I suck at updating the blog, and this year will be even more hectic.  But you will get tidbits here and there to let you know we are still alive.

Update....don't expect me to stay ontop of this

So I know it has been forever since I blogged.  I think once you get behind the idea of catching up is just so overwhelming that you keep putting it off, longer and longer.  Fortunately now I have another think  I want to put off more than blogging, homework.  Yes, I have gone back to school to get my masters in Applied Behavioral Analysis with Arizona State.  I’m super excited about being back in school, but very overwhelmed and even more stressed about managing my family, and vacations during this year and a half I’ll be back in school. 

Since we all know that there is no way I’m going to post for everything we have done over the last 6 months or so, I’ll just give you a quick rundown.

In September Shawn and I went to Bogota.  While he worked I hung out at the pool and checked out the city.  On the weekend we hit a couple of museums and hired a taxi to take us out to the Salt Cathedral.  It was beautiful and we are super glad we went. 

Isaac started Kung-Fu and after 6 months earned his yellow belt.  He loved it, but decided this semester to participate in the elementary school play.  He has been cast as the Mayor in Seussical the Musical. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rapunzel

Emma participated in the play this fall and was cast at Rapunzel in Into the Woods.  She made a beautiful Rapunzel, and I must say although she did not share the same feelings I was relieved that she did not have a huge part like last year.  I’m sure next year she will be very specific as to what she wants to play. 

Through a ton of hard work, Emma has been on the Principal’s honor all year long.  She was also one of only three students recognized for having outstanding conduct in the whole middle school.

We had a wonderful Christmas and New Years, partaking in some of the local traditions.  One of which is celebrating with fireworks at midnight.  We did NOT set off any of the fireworks (mostly for fear of setting off fireworks made in Paraguay).  

Emma is the Angel in the Ward Christmas Party



Eli at the Embassy Christmas Party

In January we took a trip to Puerto Madryn, Argentina.  We did so because Isaac had stated when moving to Paraguay that he would like to go to the Amazon and see the Penguins. 

The Amazon didn’t seem possible this year, so we hit the penguins.  It was awesome, we say a penguin colony of over half a million penguins, and went swimming with sea lions in the wild.  On our way home we stopped at a zoo near Buenos Aires and got to pet lions, tigers, and many other animals. 

Since returning home Shawn headed to D.C. for high treat training before taking off to Afghanistan while the kids and I were stuck at home for 5 weeks without him.  We are grateful he has returned home to the heat for family time before leaving for Afghanistan. 

Eli started preschool in February, it is a little early for him, but I decided the extra Spanish and kid time will do him some good before we take off next year.