I have decided to blog about my experience deciding to safe haven at post while my husband goes on an Unaccompanied Tour because I think many people in my life, both here in Paraguay and back home think I am crazy for making the decision to say put while my husband leaves for Afghanistan. And when asked about it I can lay out the pro's and con's list but still few understand. My crap, I don't understand!
When we first started talking about doing an unaccompanied tour there didn't seem to be a doubt that we would move back home. That decision became even more obvious when my sister added two babies to our family the summer after we moved here. Why would we stay in a place so far away from home? But when the time came for us to bid and make the decision and I really sat down and weighed our options the choice didn't seem as clear as it once had. I can give you the shpel about financially it makes sense for us to stay here. I can tell you that moving is my least favorite thing to do. I can explain that moving is super hard on my kids and although being away from family is equally as hard, introducing them into a new school environment for a single year seems like cruel and unusual punishment. I can tell you of the 12 extra months we will be living here 3 of them will probably be spent stateside. But what it came right down to was no matter how I laid it out, staying always felt like the right thing to do. I feel like I can be a better mother to my children here where our lives will not be chaos (I hope.) I have prayed, I have visited the temple, and I have filled out every "decision maker" the state department puts out to help you decide.
But then some issues came up with the school this year and I threw in the towel. I decided that it was too much work living here (and it is a lot of work) and I didn't know if it was doing more harm that good. So again (as I have several times in the last six months) sat down, looked at houses for rent in the area I want the kids to go to school back home, looked at timelines, and started working on the logistics of getting us moved back to the states. And again I was sick to my stomach, I couldn't sleep and it felt like the world was resting on my shoulders. I prayed and felt the overwhelming sensation that we needed to stay put.
Some of you may not believe in the power of prayer, but I believe that not only can prayers be answered but if you listen carefully enough you will hear answers you didn't even ask for.
I think that some family/friends believe my motives may be selfish. All I can say is that I love living in Paraguay; but not as much as I love and miss my family. Right now this is what I feel is best for us, and as much as it pains me to be so far away from family, friends and Cafe Rio it is where we need to be.
If you are faced with making the decision of staying put or going home while your spouse serves on an unaccompanied tour, I do not envy you. This has been one of the hardest decisions of my life, probably because our decision was so unexpected for all of us. I hope our family will see fit to forgive me, maybe squish in a visit, but at the very least make the most of the time we will spend at home over the next year.
